How spending time with myself helped me find my path.
August 21, 2017
I was on a great path, but it wasn’t my path. It actually got me to a pretty good place professionally and I could have easily continued down that path had a great career and a great life. But it wouldn’t have been the best life or the life I’m suppose to live. I thought I was doing everything right. Got good grades in high school, played sports and joined clubs. Thought very little about my future, maybe because it felt already planned for me. “You’re smart, so you should go to university” So I did. With no plan on what I wanted to do or be I picked majors and schools on the day I met with my high school counsellor to apply for University. I picked the school within the province that was the furthest away from home.
Over the next four years I attended most of my classes, read very few of the books and just passed my exams. Before graduating I felt I had achieved very little other than building up my alcohol tolerance. Graduation was close and the next chapter wasn’t laid out for me. I couldn’t get a job with a Bachelors of Arts on its own, so I chose more school and did a post grad program that would help get me into a steady career path upon graduation. Which it did, I finished school landed a good internship that turned into a role, moved around from company to company and now here I am.
Not enjoying what I’m doing and in no rush to do it again. It wasn’t that jobs were awful it was that like my education I spent almost no time thinking about what I actually wanted. The type of work I wanted to do, who I wanted to work with and where I wanted to work. This isn’t to say everything I did was a waste, it wasn’t by any means. I’ve learned a lot from my education, and jobs I have had. Many of the skills acquired over this time are skills I plan on to continue using and building.
Part of the reason I was following all steps you’re suppose to take was because I was planning for a life I thought I was suppose to have. I’ve realized planning for the future needs to be a very present thought process. You need to take the time and think about who you are, what you like, what makes you happy and go from there. Spend the time to journal, make lists, meditate, whichever way works best and THINK about what you really want. I had to stop worrying about what would happen or what people would think if I didn't continue doing what I thought was expected of me.
That’s where I started, I started journaling and asking myself some questions; Why did I care what other people think, what would even happen if I stopped going down this path and onto another and what was I so afraid of.
After writing and meditating and spending quiet time alone, the answers I came to were this:
No one really cares what you do. If there are people in your life who disagree with the path you’ve chosen, let them. If they’re supportive then they can be in my life.
The only person it impacts is me. If I change life paths or choose to pursue a new career the person it affects the most is me. Other people probably won’t even notice.
Fear of being real. This makes whatever I choose to do my choice and my path. Which makes every moment and every decision so much more real. But isn’t that the point?
Once I realized I could do whatever I wanted and ultimately no one would really noticed, it was the most freeing feeling I have ever felt. So, I put my HR Career on hold and have spent the last few months figuring out what I like, what I don’t like and what I want to do with my life.
You aren’t going to wake up one morning with all the answers. It takes time and effort and uncomfortable moments of sitting with yourself, being honest with yourself to figure things out. In my next post I will be sharing how I came to my clarity and the steps I took to get there and figuring out how to plan for what’s next.